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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22967764">Suffering</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyBee/pseuds/ArtsyBee'>ArtsyBee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Depression, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:48:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22967764</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyBee/pseuds/ArtsyBee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>WARNING: Do not read if venting about depression or suicidal thoughts trigger you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Suffering</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She felt so alone in the world. As if no one understood her, or at least wanted to understand her. She felt so lost. Not knowing what to do anymore. Giving up seemed like the best option to do, especially since she didn't have the strength to go on anymore. She was hurting. Every. Single. Day. And although she was hurting, she had to hide the pain she was in, due to her family thinking it was all an act for attention. Knowing that her family thought that caused her to hurt more, especially knowing that couldn't be any further from the truth. She was even afraid to cry, because if they found out, they would yell at her for it. Saying that whatever it is that she's crying about is stupid. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her family was a huge part in how she felt and what she thought on a daily basis. Thoughts such as, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm such a disappointed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I wish I was a miscarriage</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I was never meant to be here</span>
  </em>
  <span>, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'd be better if I just </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>die</em>
  </b>
  <span>. Thoughts such as those crossed her mind everyday. And this is something that occurred suddenly. She's felt like this for years. And it only seemed to go downhill from there. Her family was never the greatest to begin with really. Parents both neglected her when she was little and her brother would just abuse her when they weren't around and just called it "playing around".</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> She used to play sports when she was younger and during those times, she actually felt like she made her mother proud. She would always cheer her on when she was out on the field or court. She was her number one fan. But now that she's all grown up and has other interests in mind like drawing, her mother doesn't look at her the same way anymore. She sees the disappoinment in her eyes when she looks at her and her tone when she speaks to her. The light that she once saw in her daughter has now since vanished. She now talks to her as if she wants nothing to do with her. Always yelling at her constantly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> For many years, the girl has had severe depression and anxiety. She's even had to go to the hospital a few times during her highschool years due to attempts of suicide. Hoping that her family would finally see how much she's hurting, they yell at her, saying how stupid and overly exaggerating she's being. Not showing any signs of caring. This only made her feel even worse. This even furthered her point in that nobody would care if she dies. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She hates on herself constantly. The poor girl never loved herself. She always compared herself to other girls. She wasn't thin, but she wasn't really big either. No boy wanted her, and if they did, it was only for sexual purposes. Thankfully, she never gave in to those sorts of things. Whenever she thought she met a nice boy, they ruin it by always saying something about her appearance. Always nitpicking and wanting her to fix something about herself. And due to these events, she's always felt ugly. Never wanting to go anywhere, always wearing baggy shirts. It even went as far as her not caring about her personal hygiene. She was just in so much pain. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately, even her depression gets in the way of her moving on with her life. Such as getting her license and getting a job. Her mom always complains about how she wanted her to get a job. It's not that the girl didn't want to get one, she didn't mind the work. It was more so that she had terrible social anxiety, to where it stops her from doing adultery things. God, how she wanted to get a job and pay for the stuff she wanted and needed, but something that appeared to be nothing to others, was something major for her. It was a major obstacle for her. And she hated so much. Her mother would even compare her to her best friend who has a job and has a car. She was never mad at her friend, but she was mad at her mom for comparing her to others, making her feel like she's a disappoinment. A loser. A nobody. She didn't know what to do anymore. She wish she could go back to counseling, but her mother didn't see any progress. How would she know, maybe talking and venting to someone else that cause most of her depression was at least helping even for a bit. But now she hasn't had anyone to talk to for over a year and it was killing her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> She felt alone. Stuck. Her depression made her not want to do anything. She felt like she had little to no power to come over this part in her life. At this point in her life, she doesn't think she ever will. She even thought about that if she ever could jump over this obstacle, her life would still be a drowning mess. The girl has even tried to voice what was wrong and how she felt overall, but all her mother would say is </span>
  <em>
    <span>im fucking sick of hearing the same shit coming out of your mouth. It gets fucking old.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She's even prayed for someone or something to give her the strength to end it all right then in there, because she was always too scared and hesitant to do it herself. All she wants is a little bit of help, but no one hears her silent screams. All that's left is her echoes.</span>
</p>
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